Something I think that’s not discussed enough in motherhood is how often you’ll have to face potential disappointment. We’ve all faced disappointment before, but man once you have those kids, you are thrown into endless obstacles that force you to pivot. From how we think our pregnancies and labor will go to how we want to show up for our kids and ourselves. And really, you don’t always WANT to pivot or the pivot might not be so simple, which adds extra stress. I have a process here, that might help you coping with disappointment in motherhood and ease into the pivot while still feeling empowered.
Story time:
In 2021, I lost my daycare provider after I quit my hospital job, started my business, and my husband was traveling out of town very often. Oh yeah, and my daughter was 6 months old at the time. I felt isolated, exhausted, frustrated, and like a victim of my circumstances. I had put a lot of effort and love into launching my business, hired a business coach, and then it basically came to a standstill. I finally found a daycare provider, but then my kids were constantly sick. Literally 2 weeks out of every month, one of them was home with me, for an entire year… and working with a sick kid (or any baby or toddler) at home is extremely difficult to do. Then after a year it was still happening… and I was tired of feeling like this was not a problem I could solve…I remembered that one of our greatest assets as humans is our creativity. I searched for babysitters that would be willing to do on-call sick care for a few hours a day when I would work (3 days a week, my kids daycare schedule). I felt incredibly lucky when I found an incredible sitter that was great with kids (trust me, there was a LOT of searching).
I was empowered and inspired by solving this “problem” that plagued me for so long and I was able to let go of the feeling that I was sacrificing my career, which I worked hard for and loved (and one I was not ready to let go of).
Another part of this though, was also acknowledging my feelings, understanding them and their origin, allowing them to be there, while also moving through them with Emotional Freedom Technique. We are all entitled to our feelings and the important thing to recognize is that feelings are not facts, but they might be sending the message to look a little deeper to gain self-awareness and even self-compassion.
I’d love to share some things I did to move through this, so if you find yourself in a similar predicament where you have a lofty goal, but your responsibilities are massive and you’re facing constant interruptions to your vision and timeline, I’d love to invite you to:
1.) Acknowledge those feelings and do a somatic practice like EFT, breathwork, or somatic movement to MOVE those EMOTIONS out!
2.) Examine and explore your feelings and what’s underneath. Besides feeling disappointment, are there any other thoughts or emotions that’s tagging along? Is there any truth to your thoughts about what’s happening, and is there any silver lining or lesson you can take from this?
3.) Release the expectations of what you wanted to happen.
4.) Embrace a new way of looking at your situation with new eyes. And remember, these feelings might arise and that doesn’t make you any less of a good mom. It makes you a feeling human and you’re entitled to feel your feelings.
5.) Pivot… What's the pivot that needs to happen? Instead of getting stuck in your feelings, what can you now do to make your goals a reality? What’s the new timeline look like, what’s the new action to take?
Sometimes we forget that we are creative, resourceful beings and we can find a solution if we are willing. So, long story short, examine and feel your feelings, get them out of your body, learn the lesson, see the optimistic side of it, and PIVOT!
I’d love to hear in the comments how you pivot when faced with disappointment.
Want help with incorporating more self-care into your daily routine? Then you’ll love my Free Self-Care Menu for Go-Getting Moms! It’s 9 pages of self-care activity suggestions, divided by areas of health and well-being: Physical, mental/emotional, spiritual, career, finances, relationships, fun, home/environment, and personal development. Each area is then further divided by the AMOUNT of time you have: 1-5 minutes, 5-10 minutes, 10-30 minutes, and 30 minutes- 2 hours.
Even if you have decision fatigue, the optional "game" can help you decide on your activity.
This WILL empower you to take that first step and create intentional time and space for YOU and make it fun! I hope you enjoy it and it helps to further guide you on your personal health and wellness journey.